{"id":410,"date":"2010-10-03T14:24:18","date_gmt":"2010-10-03T18:24:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/believeit.us\/?p=410"},"modified":"2010-10-03T23:30:26","modified_gmt":"2010-10-04T03:30:26","slug":"angry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/believeit.us\/?p=410","title":{"rendered":"Angry?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I find a lot of anger on weekends as I am away from my family in another state. Today, I am a\u00a0little more certain who\u00a0or what the anger should be directed to,\u00a0I recognize it is my feelings of being unfairly, disrespectfully, and poorly treated (being treated in a way I don’t want to be) that is behind the anger.<\/p>\n

In actuality, I know the source of that unfair treatment\u00a0finds its origins in my world\u00a0reality view and the limitations I accept as being true. It also has origins in my beliefs in valuing family and beliefs of responsibilities to them.\u00a0 So really, I am mad at myself because I know I deserve better. But mostly because I know I could change it if I were to rise to meet the challenge.<\/p>\n

I know God has always provided and I certainly know: if all the less noble ones that live in Utah can make it, I am surely capable too.<\/p>\n

I believe we are all struggling with similar demons formed <\/strong>from our beliefs and perspectives<\/strong>. Demons of our own making<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I wonder and\u00a0I feel I was involved in a traumatic past life experience where failing to keep the faith in some precious principle, I let loved ones and family down by my mistakes.\u00a0I realize today I am still working to unravel the painful quandary I discovered; a seeming contradiction between what I wanted and feeling the pain of losing it or failing to achieve it.<\/p>\n

Dreams help us understand our challenges<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

In dreams last week, I was driving around in a parking garage under a business\u00a0mall trying to park\u00a0a large business truck used in my fathers business. I kept going in circles and\u00a0making wrong turns onto one-way lanes and having difficulty getting turned around.\u00a0 While I kept seeing drive up teller lanes, I knew I needed to park and go inside the building. I finally found a parking spot so I could.\u00a0 Once inside, I had to go a long round about way to get to\u00a0where deposits are made and then had to wait in a long line. As I waited 1\/2 way through the line, I realized I’d left my check in the truck and\u00a0had to leave to go back outside and get it.<\/p>\n

Outside, there was a girl\u00a0that I knew from Dad’s business that was looking at how I had parked the truck and pointing to an overhang, scolded me for parking so close to an over hang (only about 6 inches short of colliding).\u00a0 As I was feeling stupid for having her point that out, the truck rolled forward, hit the overhang and next my dad was there to see what happened and remind me that I know to watch for overhangs when driving a big truck. \u00a0<\/p>\n

I felt I knew better. \u00a0I was feeling the pain: I know if I had parked in 1st gear instead of 4th, the truck would NOT have rolled. I marveled and really felt the pain of how many stupid mistakes I keep making <\/strong>trying to put money in the bank<\/strong>.\u00a0The feelings were so intensely frustrating and I was feeling so hopeless like I was getting old and losing my common sense. \u00a0My next dream sequence was similar, different environment, but again I was in the business truck having difficulty maneuvering the truck to make a delivery, trouble remembering how to do things, feeling I would soon have no job and be unemployable while family needed me.<\/p>\n

I woke to renew my knowing that in the area of love for my children and caring for them I have been challenged by fears most my life. While I’ve always provided for them,\u00a0I have faced multiple fear challenges in these regards though out my life.<\/p>\n

I know I feel a great responsibility to provide for for\u00a0family and\u00a0struggle with the economic fears of failure when I know better. I know that all things will be provided as needed, they\u00a0always have been and always will be.\u00a0What ever the case, we should NEVER borrow trouble that hasn’t yet come. In reality, we never figure out the solutions anyway; if you know yourself, you know they are always given at the appropriate time. We don’t create the creative thoughts, we just receive them.We shouldn’t worry. In fact, if you’re paying attention, you know worry only gets in the way of creativity.<\/p>\n

Today I recognize\u00a0I am still facing the same life challenges. I (my inner-self soul and and\u00a0I) created them for the express purpose of gain in\u00a0rising to meet them.<\/p>\n

No, I don’t believe my soul cares that I became a CPA to\u00a0provide for those family needs or any of the actions I employed in doing so.\u00a0It was not a question of\u00a0\u00a0would I choose a noble or ignoble profession not even important whether I’d be honest and fair. Those are qualities\u00a0most of us have inherently; we are born with a drive to add value to ourselves and all around us. \u00a0The challenge is to enhance the aspects of our creativity and the resulting quality of life. The challenge\u00a0is to gain a value fulfilling experience in the creative life adventures we’re lead to pursue.\u00a0\u00a0Can we learn to find value fulfilling enrichment with each creation our desire inspires<\/span>?<\/p>\n

So what holds me here – away from my desired home state? <\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s a mere simple question of faith.\u00a0Ironically, I feel it adds insult to my injury recognizing I struggle with a lack of Faith.\u00a0\u00a0I so pride myself with understanding belief and faith. How is it that I find myself in this state of doubt and unbelief? What? faith man<\/em> can’t make it in Utah! You bet, that drives me mad!\u00a0<\/p>\n

There really is something that\u00a0I am needing to get a hold of here.\u00a0\u00a0It’s not rocket science. Spiritual alchemistic metaphysics might sound intimidating, but why should acting on something one really believes be that hard?\u00a0Reflect man; know thyself and know God!<\/p>\n

Demons?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Is that it? Is the devil making me do it?<\/p>\n

No, the real problems\u00a0we struggle with are found in but two areas: 1)\u00a0beliefs;\u00a0 a) beliefs of limitation<\/strong> (the limitations I accept as being true) and b) value and action beliefs <\/strong>built upon false premises<\/strong>. These along with 2) a choice of perspective,<\/strong>\u00a0is\u00a0where the demons and torment <\/strong>are formed <\/em>which create our experiences of them.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Proper response:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1) Can we possibly be limited when we are totally integrated with the fullness and creativity of “All that is”? Or,<\/p>\n

2) Is it a realistic expectation:\u00a0we should always be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Should we really hinge our happiness upon always being able to always rescue those in need? Should our desires to uplift and provide for family and others ever be a cause of our pain?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 As\u00a0I feel so drawn to meet the challange, I do NOT want to change my desire nor belief that I can be responsible. Rather than accept my desires might be based upon a false premise, I am comming to understand there is a perspective issue<\/strong>.\u00a0With the right perspective I CAN leap tall buildings, if I really want to!<\/p>\n

Perspective?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n