Monthly Archives: April 2014

The Way to Love


Happiness IS the foundation of success, of accomplishment, of learning, and of peace. It is the basis for existence and the only enduring basis for being.

I believe happiness is founded in our discovering value in our being; finding that which we value and beholding it in, or as a part of our being.

Actually to attempt a subjective description; our being is happiness. Happiness is why we are beings. If you’ll allow me to expand upon a well known quote, “I think therefore I am”,
I believe:

“There is happiness to observe, therefore I think, therefore I am.”   – RealizeIt

Happiness is being personally fulfilled with that which we value. Happiness is the natural state within which each of us have our being. We lose it only by hindering that which comes naturally.

Valued improvement is the natural consequence of Observation

Every conscious being has been magically created and empowered to observe. Discernment is a natural result of observation and an innate ability of every observer. With discernment every observer discerns contrasts, identifies preference, recognizes relative value, discovers that which is desired and in relative degrees that which is not. Every conscious observer recognizes personal desires as the natural consequence of discerning contrast during observation.

Our Expanding Universe

If there is anything to observe within our universe, there is certainly a near infinity of contrast that can be discerned and wide variety of personal preferences that can be preferred. Preferences are NOT limited to that which can be physically observed, but preferences are identified as ideas that would add value to what is presently observed.

The joy of observing preferences compels us to observe contrast and identify valued preferences. Since each observation brings ever new realizations of preferences desired, our universe provides the perfect stage identifying opportunities for change and creative expression.

If creative expression results in changes to our universe, then we live in an infinitely expanding universe of valued preferences and an infinitely expanding reality results from observing all is observed and discerning creative preferences.

I believe when conscious preferences are observed and recognized as a believable and realistic, such realizations are immediately recognized as our reality.

Reality and realization are self referencing terms. It makes no difference whether we say Reality springs forth from realizations or reflect that realizations are made about reality. They are equivalent terms. Therefore I believe we live in an infinitely expanding universe.

Our reality evolves and our universe expands with every realistic believable realization of value adding preference observed within our contrast ridden universe.  As with Reality and Realization being self referencing, so also is our universe. That which we call our universe is but a reflection of what we mean by our reality. There is NOTHING in our universe that is NOT also within our reality. There is NOTHING within our realities that are NOT within the universe of all that is.

Happiness drives our expanding universe.

All  happily observe the natural beauty of preference in all its glorious splendor and magnificence. Therefore, happiness is the natural state all observers find themselves whenever such are free to observe their preferences and are unimpeded by conflicting beliefs and fears.

Joy comes by observing the beauty we’ve naturally discerned a preference toward. In physical reality, joy is the natural state of happily observing the glorious splendor and magnificence of all that’s beautiful in creation. Identification of preference is identification of beauty. Joy is found in the identification of preference. Beauty doesn’t exist until observed, it is in the eye of the beholder. Joy doesn’t exist until beauty is observed. Happiness exists only if we take the time to truly observe beauty and be joyful in its being.

In the subjective reality of our souls, happiness is the state of our being enabled to discern preferences and then realize we’re filled by degree with greater value and quality in our observation. We attempt to objectively describe this as being value fulfilled; or as having observed a greater measure of value fulfillment.

Happiness and the joy of being or possessing it is what drives all within our universe to seek that which is valued. The joy of happiness drives all consciousness to seek value. The joy of happiness drives all toward preferring fulfilling value or value fulfillment. The pursuit of happiness is the attraction of value fulfillment and it drives all conscious beings to identify desired preference.

Our Cooperative Universe

While it may not be so obvious to the individual selves we like to think we are. We, our selves, are NOT individuals with consciousness, but are actually gestalts of individual consciousness cooperating together to form what we perceive as our individual consciousness.

The individual consciousness we call “self” is comprised of a near infinite number of individually observing consciousness units (CU’s) cooperating as “One”. The CU’s that form our self consciously choose cooperation in order to achieve a greater value fulfilling joy than would be possible as individual CU’s. All that  is known of physical reality is formed of cooperating individual consciousness that have come together to recognize the greater realizations only possible through combining cooperation.

The greatest accomplishments of personal CU joy are achieved by individually cooperating to form a whole that is greater than the sum of its individual parts. The joy we experience in observing preference and working toward happiness have come to us only through the synergy of cooperation. We could not have experienced the joy and happiness we do without the cooperation of all that is conscious within that which we know of as ourselves. Nor could we experience the joy and happiness we do without cooperating with others in that we think of as outside ourselves. In actuality, we are just as much a part or member component of the greater universe of mass consciousness and all that is as are the individual CU components that make up our individual selves.

All within our universe is conscious. Cooperatively, the consciousness of all has formed all that we know of as the universe. All that is IS conscious and driven by desire, or the attraction of value fulfillment, to cooperate in the greatest expansion of individual and mass value fulfillment that has ever existed.  All that we know of in our universe has been, will be, and is achieved ONLY through the synergy that is greater than the value fulfillment of individual achievement.

Happiness and the desire to observe preference is the nature of all progress, invention, creativity and discovery. Happiness is the first cause for which all that is exists. Our highly developed multifold happiness exists because we live in a cooperative universe where all cooperate to form and create that which is greater than the sum of the individual creativity.


Love is the natural state of observing what’s joyful.  We naturally feel drawn toward and love that which we recognize makes us happy and joyful. We love beauty. We love that which we are attracted to and desire. When we are free to observe the beauty that surround us, we feel  love. We are only limited by the obstacles and impediments we allow or create as obstructions to our joyful observation and the love we feel as we are drawn toward being a value fulfilled being.

Obstructions to happiness are always limiting beliefs and the fears we believe to be true of hinderance and obstruction to value fulfillment. We fear what we believe can hold back our happiness. We experience as unhappiness what ever we believe can block or impede our happiness.


What is unhappiness? In quick reflection, we might think unhappiness would the opposite of happiness; Finding that which we do NOT value in our being and existence. But unhappiness is much more subtle than that. We find that which we do NOT value every time we discern a preference. We find that which we do not desire every time we discern a preference or a lesser valued non-preference.  We know it isn’t the discerning of a non preference that brings unhappiness for we can only know happiness in the contrast of preference and non-preference observations. Happiness comes by observing our preference IN CONTRAST.  However it is quite true that unhappiness should be expected if we choose to persist with our focus upon that which we do NOT desire after discerning a preference in contrast.

In quick reflection we might think unhappiness would be the opposite of happiness; the inability to discern value fulfillment. But unhappiness is more subtle than that. Unhappiness is NOT the inability to find value fulfillment in our being. Unhappiness is NOT a ceasing to find the beauty of value fulfilment purpose in being. Unhappiness is NOT a ceasing to observe and discern a preference, nor failure to find joy in the discerning. Discerning is an innate ability within all. Happiness can NOT be lost unless one is rendered unable to observe the beauty of value fulfillment. Even then the loss of happiness is NOT unhappiness.

Our universe is in a state of constant change. With all around us changing, our being IS in the constant state of discerning, identifying and achieving incremental value fulfilment. All that is is in a state of change for the progress of value fulfilment IS the intent behind all desire and desire the power and emotive force behind all creativity, progress, and every evolutionary improvement. Desire is the universal foundation of all value enhancing change and action and our being IS in the constant state of finding and observing new aspects of value fulfilment.

No! unhappiness is not Finding the existence of that which we do NOT value.
No! unhappiness is not the end of our ability to discern value fulfilment. It is not the end of happiness.
No! Unhappiness is a decision. Unhappiness reflects a decision to believe and experience a psychological state called unhappiness.

Only a belief

Unhappiness is a belief and like all beliefs a belief in unhappiness affects the quality of our experience, the quality of our reality. Unhappiness like all beliefs reflects a decision that once fully realized is experienced as reality.

We create our own reality, including the unpleasant experiences we call unhappiness by concluding that each belief accurately reflects reality.  We form beliefs in unhappiness by concluding such is true of our reality.

Unhappiness is a belief about our state of mind that is all. All beliefs are subjective. We are the only one that gets to decide whether we believe a belief or not. Being subjective, until WE decide to recognize it as observed, unhappiness doesn’t exist within us. Being a belief, until we decide what it means, it has no meaning and might as well be considered irrelevant.

Even after we’ve decided to give it a name and meaning, we must still decide whether is of value to recognize unhappiness as our psychological state and then whether or not unhappiness accurately describes our state. If we fail to decide any of these beliefs are true then unhappiness is still irrelevant. Anything we decide doesn’t relate to us is irrelevant.

Only when unhappiness is decided applicable and descriptive of our being does it become a believed psychological state of being.  Ultimately, unhappiness is psychological state you and I can decide to experience or not.

A Simple Decision?

On its face we may wonder why we would ever decide to experience unhappiness. To more fully understand, we should remember the drive behind all action – value fulfillment. We must first ask if there was good reason to believe in unhappiness. If in actuality all creation is driven by value fulfillment, we must have previously decided to believe in unhappiness for a value fulfilling purpose. If it were not so, we would NOT have decided such a belief in the first place.

We believe in unhappiness and experiencing its state because we find it has value. We must have believed unhappiness has value or we would never have chosen to recognize it as our psychological state. How could we have decided the recognition of an unhappy state has value?

If we’ve ever experienced unhappiness, then obviously we made that decision as we obviously had to make that decision before we could experience it and NOT before. Once we decided to believe unhappiness had value, we were empowered to choose to experience it anytime we wanted.

Have you chosen it more times than you would prefer? Does value fulfillment drive you to desire to experience it less? We can certainly choose to NOT experience it when inappropriate because it isn’t actually real.  Unhappiness is just a decision we’ve decided useful to define and experience upon occasion.  Like Hell, unhappiness doesn’t really exist except in the minds of hell’s believers.  Unhappiness doesn’t exist except in the minds of believers in unhappiness and its merits.

Almost all of us have adopted a belief in unhappiness for one reason or another. It may not have been the best decision we ever made. But, thankfully, we can intellectually reconsider its usefulness and decide to adopt more empowering beliefs to replace the limiting and failing ones.

Whatever we choose to believe we possess or expect determines the emotional feelings we feel once we’ve identified a preference. We first discern preferences, then decide our positions on what is valued. By those decisions we form the desire beliefs that set the directions we’re naturally attracted for happiness, joy and love.

Understanding we can more easily achieve happiness by cooperating with the free flowing energy of creativity brought about by a focus upon and expectation of what is desired, we can quickly  discard the path of coercing ourselves into quick fix physical activity that’s only temporal. With greater understanding we can choose to replace our old limiting failing beliefs in unhappiness with the renewed beliefs in happiness and the cooperative universe which brings everything we desire for experience into reality.

The Way to Love

Next we’ll look at how Anthony De Mello, one of our ages greatest teachers, explains the cause of unhappiness. Be sure to notice he’s careful to distinguish between desire that drives our very being and attachment. De Mello qualifies attachment as any desire for achievementaccomplishment or possession that is accompanied by a belief that failure to achieve, accomplish or possess  must be experience as unhappiness. I see De Mello recognises unhappiness is a false belief that we must reject; that happiness is our natural state of being. To change, we must recognize: no attachment is worth pursuing, if the price of failure is unhappiness. Choose wisely, reject attachment and choose to observe natural beauty and you choose Happiness always.

Let’s look at how Anthony De Mello approaches this subject in his “gem” of a book: The way to love.

“Now if you look carefully, you will see that there is one thing and only one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is Attachment. What is an attachment?”


“An emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy. This emotional state of clinging is composed of two elements, one positive and the other negative.

1 – The positive element is the flash of pleasure and excitement, the thrill that you experience when you get what you are attached to.
2 – The Negative element is the sense of threat and tension that always accompanies the attachment.

… “Now the tragedy of an attachment is that if its object is not attained it causes unhappiness. But if it is attained, it does NOT cause happiness – it merely causes a flash of pleasure followed by weariness; and it is always accompanied, of course, by the anxiety that you may lose the object of your attachment. You will say, “Can’t I keep just one attachment?” Of course. You can keep as many as you want. But for each attachment you pay a price in lost happiness. Think of this: The nature of attachments is such, that even if you satisfy many of them in the course of a single day, the one attachment that was not satisfied will prey upon your mind and make you unhappy. There is no way to win the battle of attachments. As well search for water without wetness as for an attachment without unhappiness.” …

“There is only one way to win the battle of attachments: Drop them. Contrary to popular belief, dropping attachments is easy. All you have to do is see, but really see, the following truths.

First truth: You are holding on to a false belief, namely, the belief that without this particular person or thing you will not be happy. Take your attachments one at a time and see the falseness of this belief. You may encounter resistance from your heart, but the moment you do see, there will be an immediate emotional result. At that very instant the attachment loses its force.

Second truth: If you just enjoy things, refusing to let yourself be attached to them, that is, refusing to hold the false belief that you will not be happy without them, you are spared all the struggle and emotional strain of protecting them and guarding them for yourself.

Has it occurred to you that you can keep all the objects of your attachments without giving them up, without renouncing a single one of them and you can enjoy them even more on a nonattachment, a non-clinging basis, because you are peaceful now and relaxed and unthreatened in your enjoyment of them?

The third and final truth: If you learn to enjoy the scent of a thousand flowers you will not cling to one or suffer when you cannot get it. If you have a thousand favorite dishes, the loss of one will go unnoticed and leave your happiness unimpaired. …

In the light of these three truths no attachment can survive. But the light must shine uninterruptedly if it is to be effective. Attachments only thrive in the darkness of illusion. The rich man cannot enter the kingdom of joy not because he wants to be bad but because he chooses to be blind.”
Anthony De Mello; The Way to Love Pg 28-31 (Emphasis and formatting added).

Value and Action

Our inherent ability to discern a valued preference and to desire the valued as fulfilling our inherent need for discovering value fulfillment can be described as a double edged sword.

The sword is an engine of motivation, delivering us our victory. It is a vehicle driving us to our destination. With one edge we discover value and bring it to the fuller knowing of our being. With the other we hold to, guard and protect that which we’ve previously discovered so that we can enjoy and contemplate it’s value fulfilling qualities when ever we may choose.

We want to preserve each acquisition so that we may integrate the same into future opportunities for value fulfillment discoveries and use our past acquisitions as building blocks for our next great adventure and conquest.

This second side of our sword can become quite busy and actually we can become overwhelmed in its wielding, if we do not distinguish between the symbols we use in discovery and the actual value fulfillment we discover. We MUST NOT mistakenly equate the value we’ve gained in our experience with the objects we employed in gaining that value fulfilling experience.

Objective reality is temporal, it will pass away. Only the subjective will remain forever.

In the fuller subjective reality of our being, our fuller reality is eternal. All is like information, knowledge and wisdom. Once obtained, the wisdom of value fulfillment can be eternally shared while our souls possession is never diminished. In the reality of our fuller being, we live in a cooperative universe where NOTHING can threaten loss to being. Nothing can take away our discoveries of value fulfillment.  Our being is secure eternally a part of soul and all that is.

Yet, as we attempt to more fully understand and describe this value enhancing phenomenon, we create mental constructs. We employ representative symbols, objects and metaphors to aid and bring clarity to our descriptions and identifications. However, these symbols, these mental constructs are eventually discarded. Like scribbles on a chalk board, once they’ve served their purpose, they are erased and abandoned. Yet, the truth, the essence, the information, the wisdom it engendered persists eternally.

Our problem is NOT one of valuing and wanting to keep our attachments discovered. Our problem with attachments is that we have projected our value onto the symbols we used to perceive what is valued. When one recognizes that once value fulfillment is achieved or acquired it can not be lost, then they no longer feel threatened if the symbols or objects that revealed that value may be lost.

When we recognize what is important, that it is enhancement of our being with value fulfillment we most value, we cease being confused as to what it is we need hold so fast. We hold fast to the subjective enhancement of our being and we cease to mind the chalkboard being erased.

We know that with discovery of todays fulfilment comes the insatiable desire to focus upon new horizons, new opportunities for improvement and value fulfillment. Yesterdays thoughts fade. With new thoughts, new objects capture the focus of our attention. Yesterdays relationships, objects and things appear to age, deteriorate and disappear. Yet their value to our being is eternal and we have no need to ever fear or mistakenly think or believe our happiness threatened or diminished.

You are happiness, you are eternal, you have no need for unhappiness. For the sharpest edge on your two sided sword was forged by the greatest Creator, the greatest Lord, the greatest God that ever existed. That edge is kept sharp by his beloved wife to whom he is eternally attached. She keeps sharp that edge as he fires the fire that’s used to keep it.

Her name is Fre. You are free by the sword of truth and faith its edge.

You hold the sword, what adventure will you find today – BelieveIt to RealizeIt! 

Additional Materials:

The way to love – Anthony De Mello – Intro & Pgs. 1-41
The way to love – Anthony De Mello – Pgs. 42-93
The way to love – Anthony De Mello – Pgs. 94-130
The way to love – Anthony De Mello – Pgs. 131-end

Perspective on value, desire, love and existence from the view of a non-physical being
Desire is what is causing the expansion of the universe.

Other Videos with Anthony De Mello

10 minute secret to the most important change of your life (covered in a three hour video)